Grumbling gratefully

After another lonnnnng night of flipping from one hip to the other, over and over again to relieve the ache, I got up stiff, in pain and grumbling again this morning. I don’t like to grumble, so the fact that I was doing it just made me even more grumbly.

grumble grumble grumble

But then I thought, “Hey. You’re stiff and achy, but you did just roll right out of bed. Lots of people with RA can’t do that. They have to lay there for a long time, hurting like hell, before they can work up enough courage to face the pain and make their bodies move. Be glad.”

And so I am. My RA is being pretty decent to me right now, keeping its presence down to random stabs and twinges. Hands ache, but tolerably, and there’s no impairment. I’m glad. Grateful. Believe me.

It’s the hip bursitis driving me nuts and ruining my sleep each night. And as we all know, missed sleep only sets us up for more pain, which causes more missed sleep, which… you get my drift. I’m doing the stretching exercises Joe assigned me religiously. I’m icing and heating. But I hurt a little more each day.

So I’m grumbly.

I can walk. Maybe not for long distances, and I can’t stay on my feet for more than 20 minutes or so before the pain goes ugly, but I can walk. Lots of people with RA can’t. I’ve been there. I’ve been through times when every single step was unbelievable agony. I’ve been totally immobilized by pain. But not now. I can walk. I can move.

I’m grateful. It’s a blessing.

The pain I’m dealing with in my hips is like loud background noise. Mostly, I’m used to it and don’t hear it anymore. But now and then it intrudes, rudely, snapping my attention to it. I growl and do my best to ignore it. Mostly, I’m successful.

In the past, I’ve had rheuma pain that, as hard as I tried, I couldn’t ignore. The pain became my world; I lived within its filter. It filled my every waking moment and colored every perception.

I’m deeply grateful that this bursitis pain, as mean as it is, isn’t as bad as that. So grateful.

Up at my house in Camino, it’s snowing and it’s been snowing off and on for weeks. Steve, Matt and Cary have had to dig out their cars and put chains on to get to work and to the grocery store. But here at Mom’s place in the low foothills, it’s only raining. It’s 20 degrees warmer down here. She has central heat. I don’t have to cart heavy firewood into the house from the woodpile or feed the woodstove to stay warm.

Another blessing.

So, stop with the grumping, I tell myself. Chin up, chest out and all that rot. Smile. I’ll see the pain doctor in a couple of days. He may have a solution; I live in hope. And later next week, I’ll see Joe again. Maybe he’ll have some more ideas, too. More hope. Bursitis, unlike rheumatoid arthritis, is curable.

Grumbling begets grumbling. I’m determined to stop doing it.

11 thoughts on “Grumbling gratefully

  1. Oh dear – sorry the hips are still being such a nuisance. Sometimes, for all being positive is great, you just gotta grumble! 🙂 Sounds like you’re doing a good job of being positive through the grumbling!


    • Thanks, Polly. I’m trying. Sometimes it’s worth taking a few moments out to compare my plight with that of others, and truly, so many people with RA have it so much worse than I.

      In the meantime, I’ll indulge my grumpy-bone for a while, and enjoy it! 😉


  2. Personally, I say you’re entitled to grumble, given the situation! So grumble away! I hope the doctor is able to do something to alleviate the stupid pain so you feel better soon. All the best to you… 🙂 L


    • You know, sometimes we just need permission to grump, don’t we. Thanks for that, Laurie. But since grumpy isn’t a frequent part of my personality, I’m not real comfortable with it. I’ll be glad when the stupid (YES! It’s stupid!) bursitis pain is gone.


    • Couldn’t agree more with this – I hope I didn’t imply in my comment that you shouldn’t be grumbling! Not what I meant at all!!!


  3. I’m with Laurie. Sometimes a little grumbling is warranted. It’s great that you can look at the bright side, though 🙂

    About those hips… I found it very helpful to stack two egg-crate foam pads on top of my mattress. The extra cushion made a huge difference.
    (here’s a link to what I mean – but don’t pay this much; WalMart and similar stores have them for a much better price – I’ve even found them in good shape at thrift stores, and if you ask around, sometimes you can get them from a hospital when they’d otherwise throw them away since they can’t reuse them on another patient – world’s longest runon non-sentence 😉 )

    I hope that those PT exercises are soon effective and that you get to feeling better. Painful hips are miserable.


    • Thanks so much for the kind wishes and the link, Socks. I have a memory foam topper on my bed at home, which has been very helpful, but when I came to stay with Mom, she didnt have one on her guest bed. I about died. Took me about a week to fix that–I have a nice 4-inch memory foam topper on this bed, too. It really does make a big difference; I can’t hardly imagine how miserable I’d be each night without it, now that the bursitis is so much worse.

      I wonder if ANOTHER topper on top of the one I have would help? Hmmmmm… I’ll be like the Princess and the Pea. 😉


  4. Lovely posts as always, Wren. We had the whole set too. Sorry to hear about your hips. Sounds like you may be nearing time for an MRI and possible surgery to remove the inflammed bursea. Socks, how IS that shoulder of yours doing?


  5. We all need a grumble now and then, Wren! And you’ve had your fair share of things to grumble about lately for sure. Your positive attitude shines through all your grumbles anyway 🙂


  6. Sometimes a little grumbling is most definitely warranted. Hip pain can make nights particularly miserable! I’m always so inspired by your positive attitude, though. You’re right – sometimes it hurts to walk, but at least I can walk, and that is a good thing.


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